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Experiencing refusal, notably when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. Someone is turning you down, giving a firm “No.” As a writer, I am familiar with setbacks. I began pitching manuscripts 50 years back, upon college graduation. From that point, I have had two novels turned down, along with article pitches and countless essays. In the last two decades, concentrating on op-eds, the denials have only increased. On average, I receive a rejection every few days—adding up to over 100 each year. In total, rejections throughout my life run into thousands. By now, I might as well have a master’s in handling no’s.

But, is this a self-pitying rant? Not at all. Since, finally, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted being turned down.

By What Means Did I Achieve It?

For perspective: Now, nearly each individual and others has rejected me. I’ve never counted my success rate—it would be very discouraging.

A case in point: lately, a newspaper editor rejected 20 articles consecutively before accepting one. Back in 2016, over 50 book publishers vetoed my memoir proposal before someone accepted it. A few years later, 25 literary agents passed on a project. One editor requested that I submit potential guest essays less frequently.

My Phases of Setback

When I was younger, all rejections hurt. I felt attacked. I believed my creation being rejected, but me as a person.

As soon as a submission was rejected, I would start the phases of denial:

• Initially, shock. How could this happen? Why would these people be blind to my talent?
• Next, denial. Surely they rejected the incorrect submission? This must be an administrative error.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my efforts? It’s nonsense and their outlet is subpar. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, anger at those who rejected me, then frustration with me. Why would I subject myself to this? Am I a masochist?
• Fifth, bargaining (preferably mixed with optimism). How can I convince you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, sadness. I’m not talented. What’s more, I can never become accomplished.

So it went over many years.

Excellent Examples

Of course, I was in fine fellowship. Tales of authors whose manuscripts was initially turned down are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was originally turned down. Since they did overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. Michael Jordan was cut from his school team. Most American leaders over the recent history had been defeated in campaigns. The actor-writer estimates that his Rocky screenplay and desire to appear were turned down 1,500 times. For him, denial as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and keep moving, not backing down,” he stated.

Acceptance

Then, when I entered my later years, I entered the final phase of setback. Peace. Currently, I more clearly see the various causes why an editor says no. Firstly, an publisher may have already featured a like work, or be planning one in progress, or simply be contemplating that idea for another contributor.

Or, more discouragingly, my idea is uninteresting. Or the evaluator feels I don’t have the experience or reputation to fit the bill. Perhaps isn’t in the market for the content I am peddling. Maybe didn’t focus and reviewed my submission too fast to recognize its quality.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Any work can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is virtually not much you can do about it. Many rationales for denial are always beyond your control.

Your Responsibility

Additional reasons are your fault. Honestly, my proposals may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the point I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe a part about my punctuation, notably commas, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have achieved widely published. I’ve written several titles—my first when I was 51, my second, a personal story, at older—and over numerous essays. Those pieces have been published in magazines large and small, in regional, worldwide sources. My debut commentary was published decades ago—and I have now contributed to that publication for half a century.

However, no major hits, no book signings publicly, no features on popular shows, no speeches, no prizes, no big awards, no international recognition, and no medal. But I can better take rejection at this stage, because my, humble successes have softened the stings of my setbacks. I can now be philosophical about it all at this point.

Instructive Setbacks

Rejection can be helpful, but when you heed what it’s trying to teach. Otherwise, you will probably just keep seeing denial the wrong way. So what insights have I acquired?

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